Last week, former NFL player Ryan O’Callaghan told the world his harrowing story of drug abuse and planned suicide as he struggled with being a closeted gay man. Now he hopes his story helps others.

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Former NFL player Ryan O’Callaghan came out to the world last week with a dramatic story. In an interview with outsports.com, he described harrowing experiences he had as a closeted gay man and said his fear of being discovered drove him to drug addiction and a planned suicide. O’Callaghan told NPR’s Tom Goldman that he shared his story with hopes of helping others avoid the pain he lived with for so long.

TOM GOLDMAN, BYLINE: A week later, the calls for interviews are still coming in.

RYAN O’CALLAGHAN: I am great. How are you?

GOLDMAN: Ryan O’Callaghan is sitting on a couch in his home in his hometown of Redding, Calif. When the call’s done, I ask about the thousands of messages that have poured in since the Outsports article. He scrolls through his phone.

O’CALLAGHAN: OK, well, here’s a good one to read. It says, hi, Ryan. I think you saved my life today. I’m gay, and I’ve been living this lie for as long as I can remember. So he’s married, has children.

GOLDMAN: The man tells O’Callaghan he’s been in therapy and has come to terms with who he is. But he needs advice on how to move forward.

O’CALLAGHAN: And like me, he’s also thought about ending things.

GOLDMAN: It’s that dark subject that’s made Ryan O’Callaghan’s story resonate. A gay pro athlete coming out isn’t as huge a story as it once was, but O’Callaghan was a gay pro athlete who planned to kill himself because in his mind, no one would ever accept him – not family, not friends, not the NFL.

O’CALLAGHAN: I was just going to shoot myself. It was the easy way. I didn’t look at it as being selfish. You know, I used to think, you know, we all have the right to disappear. It’s our body.

GOLDMAN: But before disappearing, Ryan O’Callaghan planned to be very public.

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UNIDENTIFIED REPORTER: Ryan O’Callaghan voted the best offensive lineman in the Pac-10 by the other players in the conference.

GOLDMAN: A football career that started in high school as a way to stay connected to friends evolved into something much more in college. At Cal Berkeley, 6-foot-6, 340-pound O’Callaghan fully devised his plan to hide behind the sport. Football, in his words, became his beard, his cover, an uber-masculine world where his sexuality wouldn’t be questioned.

O’CALLAGHAN: Football to me was deadly serious.

GOLDMAN: So was the suicidal end of the plan once football finished. But the end would have to wait. O’Callaghan was good at what he did on the field. After Cal, he played in the NFL for six seasons with New England and Kansas City. His career was cut short by injuries. As the end of his career and, in his mind, the end of his life approached, he started abusing the painkillers he’d been taking. Kansas City’s head athletic trainer David Price noticed O’Callaghan’s erratic behavior and connected O’Callaghan with Susan Wilson. She was part of the network of psychologists the NFL employs nationwide.

SUSAN WILSON: If Dave Price hadn’t referred him to therapy, he may not be with us today.

GOLDMAN: In her 15 years working with the NFL, Wilson counseled other gay players who hid their sexual orientation. But she says O’Callaghan was the only one who wanted to kill himself because he was gay. When he finally came out to her, Wilson understood the depths of his despair.

WILSON: Even when he told me, he said, and you don’t hate me? And I’m like, Ryan, of course I don’t hate you.

GOLDMAN: Wilson advised O’Callaghan to test his fear that everyone would reject him. So several years ago, O’Callaghan started coming out to those he was closest to – family, friends, Kansas City Chiefs general manager Scott Pioli. The positive responses from all shocked him. Still, he needed time to fully emerge.

O’CALLAGHAN: I spent 29 years not planning on living. I was a junkie on pain meds. You don’t go from that to perfectly fine overnight. You know, I didn’t even date I think the whole first year after I came out. I just – I worked on figuring out how to love myself and clean up my life.

GOLDMAN: Once he figured that out, it was time to come out to the world.

O’CALLAGHAN: I’m a real good example of what not to do. If I can stand up and say, hey, look at all this dumb stuff I did because I was gay; don’t do it, I can save a lot of people a lot of heartache.

GOLDMAN: The reaction to his announcement has, again, been positive. Some of O’Callaghan’s former football teammates sent notes of encouragement. Psychologist Susan Wilson thinks O’Callaghan is helping pave the way for a famous, active, gay NFL player to come out. And he’s showing closeted LGBT people from all backgrounds the value of overcoming fear. But Wilson warns there’s also a danger in O’Callaghan’s experience.

WILSON: Some people hear about his story and think, oh, I could come out, and it’s going to be a field of roses when we know some people are not in situations where that will be the case.

GOLDMAN: Ryan O’Callaghan says after so many years of hiding, he’s ready to do what he can for those who still feel trapped. He hopes to write a book about his experiences and raise money for LGBT charities and revel in living a life in full view. Tom Goldman, NPR News.

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